Yet, I felt so guilty being back at work. And the whole time I was home, I felt guilty not being at work. Being a working mom is the toughest job in the world. I must make it 100% harder being that I am a perfectionist!
I am 100% dedicated to my job as a Reading Specialist and find such excitement in reading professional books and sharing my knowledge with my coworkers. I thrive on the joy and excitement my students exude when they are successful during reading class.
When I was home with my boys, my mind would wander to work. I'd have to remind myself to not check email, and not send email- to focus on Drew and Nolan. I had to take off the teacher hat and put on the mom hat full time. And when I did, I saw the bubbling happiness of my son Nolan when we read Elmo Says 5 times and danced to Mariah Carey Christmas Music, and the intensity and creativity of my son, Drew, when we played Ninjago and Legos. But what I loved the most was cuddling with the two of them, and just being.
I know these moments with Drew and Nolan are not going to last forever. Someday they will be too cool to hug mom, or spend the day with me. I have to cherish these times- even though there are days I feel like I have zero patience and may lose it!
Work is always going to be there. It's finding that balance that is hard. But what is extradinary to me, is that no matter how tired I am, cranky I am, or zoned out ( as Dave calls it), it's Drew and Nolan that put a smile on my face. There is no love like it. Maybe someday I'll figure out the perfect balance - just not anytime soon. But as far as I am concerned, I am perfectly happy the way my life is now. Who needs perfection?